I am not an attorney - but - I have found that often truth is very helpful in negotiation. We often try to pretend that our weaknesses do not exist (I guess with the hope that the other side is stupid). Truth never hurts us. - Jim Turner

Eight Classic Negotiations tips - Julie Denny, President, Resolutions

1. Understand the context of the negotiation. What's the history of the relationship? What are possible internal problems your counterpart may be facing, if you're operating in a corporate or institutional setting? Is his or her organization's reputation at stake? Is he or she new in the job and eager to make a good impression among his peers or management? All of these issues will have an impact on the negotiation.
2. Be alert to cultural differences. Comfortable physical distance between one another, eye contact or lack of eye contact, vocal volume may be culturally related. And any may create misperceptions during negotiation, if not understood.
3. Don't belabor a point. Making the same point over and over again frequently can have a polarizing affect. It says you don't think the other person understood, which means he or she wasn't listening, isn't very bright, needs reminding, etc., etc., etc. The other person may react negatively to all this repetition and become more opposed to your request than at the outset.
4. Listen. You want as many options on the table as possible. To get there, you need information. And you learn, not by talking, but by listening. That's why we have two ears and only one mouth.
5. Don't be afraid to play dumb. "Help me understand better what you mean by...," is a great question. Then be prepared to listen to the answer.
6. Be quiet. We all abhor vacuums, so we speak when there's silence. How about letting the other guy break the silence. Again, you'll get information you may not have.
7. Validate his or her point of view. This does not mean you agree with it. This means it's a reasonable valid point of view for the other person. Simply rephrasing that point of view and telling the other person you'd probably feel the same way if you were in his or her shoes, then not saying anything more, is a great trick for opening up the dialogue. Encouraged by your response, the other party may return the favor and tell you that your point of view has some merit too. Either way, you usually will experience forward movement in your discussions.
8. Anticipate objections and integrate responses into your discussion, before the objections are raise

Establish Expectations Immediately And Visualize Success For The Other Party - Sammi Soutar, President, Able Management Solutions

In my experience, it is important to establish first the process by which the negotiations will proceed. Ascertaining in advance that all concerned are comfortable with the format, the "rules of the game." Having a pretty clear understanding of one another's preliminary expectations ensures the discussion(s) will proceed with greater candor and trust.

Next, I visualize what success will mean to the person or group seated at the table across from me and incorporate that perception into our dialog. It sends a signal, be it ever so subtle, to the other party that I'm not there to "slash and burn," but sincerely want to work out a resolution that is mutually satisfactory.

If I'm getting a sense that the discussion has become circular or "stuck," I ask key questions or offer suggestions that will uncover any remaining fears and reservations the other parties may have. Then

I work to help them get "unstuck."

As soon in the discussion as seems appropriate -- the sooner the better -- I address those concerns and focus on neutralizing them, so that we can keep the negotiation moving forward and avoid talking in circles, as often happens when one or more parties are holding back.

Offer Choices - Leslie Franklin, Director of Marketing, Great-West Life & Annuity Insurance Company

This technique has worked equally well with vendors, coworkers, employees, and even my two-year-old son: When I have to be firm and say no, I also offer up something I can say yes to. (No, you cannot wear your pajamas to school today. But you can wear them all day Saturday if you want.) That way, I can present a win-win yet still hold my ground.

Be Prepared to Say "NO" - Jodie Slaughter, President, McKinley Marketing, Inc.

This is a rather sad commentary but things always seem to go better when I am prepared to say no. I recognize that’s the opposite of working towards the win-win, but if your counterpart isn't committed to your winning, too, then you can say, "Maybe we shouldn't be doing this." That shows them that what they have proposed really can't work for us and we're not going to get involved in things that don't work. Not a good tactic for people who must reach resolution to survive, i.e., unions and management, but it can work for business people selling something. If we can't sell our services at an equitable price, terms, etc., then we shouldn't sell to that customer.

Know Your Limits - Dr. Kris Keller

Enter every negotiation with a clear definition in your own mind of what your limits and goals are. At the very least, know what you want and what you would accept. Then approach the other party with the spirit and goal in your heart that you want to help them get just what they want. And help them do that, as long as it falls within your own pre-set requirements.

Build Relationships - Jim Tudor

I have found using empathy is the best tool for negotiating. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask yourself if this person is sincere and genuinely trying to create a win-win situation? Negotiations should always be used to create good long-term relationships.

Deal With Expectations First So Conflict Is Rare - Dr. Julie Martin

Be FULLY prepared for negotiations before you ever get to the negotiations table. This means cover all your basis before you have to run to those bases.

For instance, our staff lets every patient know exactly how they are covered by insurance and their payment responsibilities. We then record that conversation in the computer by time, date, and the name of office worker who spoke with the patient. These documented conversations have solved many potential problems before they became conflicts.

Military Quote that Guides Negotiations - Nick Cavalaris, Esq.

This isn't a tip but I heard a retired military officer recently give his opinion on TV about negotiating with terrorists and Saddam. He said, "you don't get what you deserve, you get what you can negotiate." I found that comment to be thought provoking and applicable to the practice of law.

Build Non-Performance Penalties - Virginia May

I don't need any credit for this "tip"; it was not original with me. I learned it from a counselor years ago when our first-born son was testing all his limits. It applies equally well in the negotiation or managerial arena as well, I have found: Don't exert controls, build non-performance penalties or devise other types of performance consequences that negatively impact you (or your company) more than the other person (or their company) either financially, workload or otherwise.

Use the "Rocky" Strategy: Control the Process - Tom Snide, President, TCS Software

When negotiating in a conflict, one good strategy that I use I call the 'Rocky' strategy. That is, let the other party do all the swinging first. Then, once they've taken a particular stand, it's much easier to identify their position, their strengths and weaknesses, and custom-tailor your response to exploit that knowledge. The fundamental key is to never get into a defensive position. The best way to do this is to 'return punches' with questions. Asking questions is key. "He who asks the questions controls the conversation."

In a sales-related negotiation, the key is to know how the cards will be played and what your bottom line is. Then be willing to walk if you don't get your bottom line. Don't let others control the process. You must control the entire process. If you have the facts laid out in order before you start, you can stick to your process and not get side-tracked by others or by your own emotions.

Offer Choices To Your Kids Or As A Deputy Sheriff! - Lynda S. O'Connell, Executive Director, Virginia Community Policing Institute

When I was a child, I drove my parents crazy. I’m the oldest of two girls and am frequently referred to as "the experimental child". Apparently, around the age of 5 or 6, my parents decided that they would take a parenting program called "The Step Program", which was offered at the elementary school. After the first year, they actually taught the program. Obviously, they loved it, but my sister and I hated it. Our rule of the house was over.

I can’t recall all of the details, but the basic premise was this: Never argue with your child, just offer them choices. For example: "You can either clean your room and then go out to play or you can not clean your room and sit in there by yourself until dinner. It’s YOUR choice." (I always hated the choices.) My parents always reiterated this point when I started complaining. They’d say: "It’s your decision. You have the alternatives and you can choose whichever option you’d like." All the while, they’d smile and never even raise their voices. That’s one of the keys to doing this correctly - you can’t let the other person see that they’ve upset you. You just have to present their choices and seem as if either choice they make is fine with you.

I soon started using this tactic on my friends and even myself. (Although for myself, it’s more of a motivational tactic.) When I became a deputy sheriff, I used it on the street. For instance, when responding to a drunk in public call, I might tell the person… "It’s really very simple. You have a choice. You can either take your drink inside and settle down, or you can keep arguing with me and go to jail. It’s YOUR choice." All of this said with a smile of course!

The tactic can be used in varying degrees of subtly and is more appropriate in some instances than others. However, when used correctly, it is INCREDIBLY EFFECTIVE. I use it all of the time now with all types of dealings. My daughter is only 9 months old now, but I plan to drive her crazy with this tactic when she’s older.

Answer Questions With Questions - Carolyn Davidson, Coldwell Banker

It's fun to keep the conversation of negotiating - progressive by always asking a question with a question - such as - (you ask) "Carolyn, what do you think your buyer might pay?" My response would be - "Rob, what do you think my buyer would like to pay?" With every question you ask - I can respond back with a question so that I'll never have to accept the actual "blame" if anything goes wrong.

Critical Negotiation Steps - Susan Schubert, Schubert-Kravitz Associates

Do lots of research prior to the face-to-face meeting. Before you start, be clear about what's most important to you and to the other party(ies). Leave the "small stuff" for later. Always start out by clarifying purposes and interests. Keep calm and cool. Do your negotiations in small steps but be persistent. Clarify as you go -- ask questions and re-state to be sure everyone understands what's being said. End up with an action summary - preferably in writing. Follow up. Get outside help if you need it -- such as an experienced facilitator.

Copyright 2001 Sherman Leadership Group
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